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| Love is love. Never let the fear of expressing true feelings get into you. Retrieved from Rick Bowmer. |
"When one reveals their deepest secret, another is afraid to speak, and when one has their soul lightened, let the other's soul be enlightened."
When people are afraid of confessing their secrets that they may get judged, a letter is always an effective way upon releasing emotions. There's always that personal touch of a letter, with how a person can be able to properly express well their thoughts; with how it can be intended for a person privately. Letters are a safe space for expressing emotions properly.
A letter of revelation and acceptance - that's what the letter is all about. The author, who is named Michael, wrote this letter to confess of being a homosexual; a gay, to his mother. He also talked about the hardships of not having a gay role model, and what being gay is not. He also explained how he learned new values and life lessons as a gay person. Stated also in the letter is how he found his place of comfort: San Francisco, and how it helped him become the real person who he is today. Overall, the letter talks about gender and sexuality, and acceptance and open-mindedness.
To express your deepest secret is like unraveling a silkworm cocoon: long, tedious and frustrating. When you are still stuck within your secret, it takes too long for you to be ready to expose yourself. If you suppress these emotions held within these secrets, this is where it gets tiresome. In time, you get tired and frustrated by holding that secret for too long, and in some situations especially similar to coming out, you will feel more tired because you also have to fake yourself for being not the person who you are.
But why are a lot of people afraid to express the truth? Is it because of the truth itself? For me, it is not. The worst thing about this is the aftermath of having to say it. How will people react? It may be positive or negative, but negativity is always the reason why people are hesitant on expressing themselves. They tend to overlook more on the bad side rather than the good side. Worse, humiliation and shame might be cast upon them once they say it. In short, a person's thoughts greatly extinguish that desire to express, and that's why some always stress to always think positively no matter what reaction may be.
But again, this is all about coming out - and there will always be people around who are always nosy on who you're interested with. Sexual orientation is on a different level because of how sensitive a topic this is, and how a lot of people in the society are still close-minded about this topic. You cannot expect everyone to be comfortable with this topic because of how most were raised traditionally - that everyone should find someone their opposite sex, marry, have a family, and that's it. Nothing more nothing less.
What I think is the most terrifying and feared reaction that one may get out of a person when coming out is not anger nor rejection, but disappointment. I cannot stress much that a person being disappointed in someone is a thousand times heavier than any other emotion. Many people, especially in the family, would feel disappointed in them because they weren't expecting their child to be gay or lesbian. Many parents would expect their children to have children and pass on to the next generation, and it's really saddening to see it that way. And what would hurt the most is how they're treating you differently than before, that's why disappointment is an emotion that may hurt and scar permanently. Not that also, but someone saying 'kasayang niya' or they're a 'waste', is a stupid and ignorant way of expressing homophobia. In anger, you get to just ignore that person, but in disappointment, you have to still interact, but something may have changed between the dynamic, creating a distance between; and that distance may be hard to bridge again.
But someone's reaction is never and will never be as worth as your feelings. It's just their initial perception of that certain situation, but maybe one day, their perception will change. It is natural to fear for rejection and disappointment, and that is why people prepare for the shock of these once they come out. But as time pass, it may cool down, and maybe, just maybe, a bridge may slowly be built between that distance, and someday, it will be back to the way it was then.
Just like the cocoon that was talked about earlier, you cannot expect yourself to be ready to tell them your secret in just one snap - it takes self-realization, self-reflection, assurance, patience, and understanding. What admired me the most about Michael's letter is the line "That, more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the truth, that your own child is homosexual." Because behind that line contains a lot of self-doubt and anxieties for him just to state that one line. I admire his bravery for being able to say that one line because it shows that he is ready to face the truth and the aftermath that may come out of it. It makes me really happy, because with this letter, he can finally express his true self without any lingering thoughts behind - he is finally free of this large burden that he had carried for so long, he can finally expose himself just like how the last thread of silk pulls off of a cocoon.
But, how far are we in pulling off the thread of silk in society's cocoon? There is actually a great improvement of this social reality because of how many people are opening up their minds and that how this topic is being talked about openly, and with social media, sensitive topics like these are finally given light to be discussed. Social media also plays a great part in raising awareness regarding this topic. Gay-friendly cities such as San Francisco, Sao Paolo, New York City, Boston, Berlin, Paris, etc. have become safe places for the LGBTQ to fully express themselves but, with the society slowly opening up, there are also many threats emerging that hinders the progress. Countries in the Middle East and Africa like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Pakistan, Sudan, Nigeria, etc. have death penalties for doing homosexual activities. Other threats also obstruct the freedom to express one's self. According to a report by the Australian Human Rights Commission in 2014, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are 3 times more likely to be depressed and this could be because of bullying and abuse. 80% of bullying comes in school and 6 out of 10 people experience verbal homophobic abuse, in which, transgenders are more likely to experience this than gays or lesbians. With all of these, a lot of people have been slowly opening up to acceptance, but there are a lot of places that still forbid homosexuality. And also, a lot of people have managed to come out bravely, yet there are still others in the closet, afraid, meaning that a person's environment and surroundings play a big factor in a person coming out.
Homophobia is still present and ever-thriving today, and other factors make up the reason why this problem is here and how it would never go away soon. The main factor on why people are homophobic is because of gender norms and stereotypes. When a man acts feminine as a way of expressing his sexuality, many people will be angered because he doesn't fit in the stereotype of a man - masculine and strong. This is also why gay people also get to experience physical abuse because they are seen to be weak. When a woman acts boyish, people will be quick to label her as a lesbian because she opposes the stereotype of a woman - feminine and modest. Because of these, they'll get picked on and this is why many people who are in the closet try to fit in the shoe of their stereotype to avoid being picked on.
One of the factors included also are religious influences. People have been taking account of the supposedly negative things being said in religious books and using it as evidence to justify their hatred for the LGBTQ community. Religions teach people to love and respect one another, not to use the religion itself for hating someone. Homosexuality is never a matter of religion, but a matter of who a person is inside. It is not a matter of being sinful, instead a matter of loving who they really love. Religion can never play a part in your gender identity, but it's always the person who can discover who they are themselves.
The world is a cruel place where being your true self is dangerous. Evil people threatening to harm you just because you're you are to be expected. A lot of people have bravely done it and it has brought them happiness, but a lot of people inside the closet are still finding the right time. Risking yourself to express the truth is far better than hiding yourself inside the covers. One makes you feel liberated and satisfied, while one makes you feel imprisoned and full of regrets. To help, you need to be an ally, a supporter and of course a person who respects who they are because this makes them feel comfortable around their surroundings. Being there for them greatly helps so that they can continue to express their emotions freely while being comfortable with you. And when you help them, they'll feel grateful for you because you have let their soul enlightened.
REFERENCES
- Seven striking statistics on the status of gay rights and homophobia across the globe. (2017, November 20). Retrieved from https://www.latimes.com/world/la-fg-global-gays-rights-report-20170515-htmlstory.html
